Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
