Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
