I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
