So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
