i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
