why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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