I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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