Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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