please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
