We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
