got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
