You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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