he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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