just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
