he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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