he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
