remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
