Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize