Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
