my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
