not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
