thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize