Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
