Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
