Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
