God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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