I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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