He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i believe in u and ur pee
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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