Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
