we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
