I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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