i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
