Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
