the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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