The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
