you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize