I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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