This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
