I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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