fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
