Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
