Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
