I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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