She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
