i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
