I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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