the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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