I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
