hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
