She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
