This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
