Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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