so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
