i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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