I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
