Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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