you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
