I'm really into asian looking animals
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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