so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
