Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
