they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
