..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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