I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
